(Re)Discovering Myself - Chapter IV
Date: 10/11/2017, Categories: Exhibitionism, Author: StillUndecided, Source: LushStories
I can’t tell you what it is like to wake up feeling lost and empty every morning, other than lost and empty. It is like there is a kind of scared stillness that has been lurking inside your body every moment leading up to and including that moment, which, for all you know, could be an eternal being. Not knowing who you are, where you are from or if there is anybody missing you is unbearable. You know things; what is going on in the world, who is President of the US, the dates of the major wars, various things like that, the History of the World, so to speak, but absolutely no personal history or knowledge. Waking up the morning after having been fucked by James was doubly strange therefore. James was the guy who I was living with whilst I tried to get my memory back, find out who I was, discover, or re-discover, myself. He was an excellent guy, totally accommodating, lovely to know, but when you got him in the bedroom, it seemed that there was a whole other guy that appeared from within him, and he became this Alpha Male type who would get his way. I rose from my bed and moved to go take a shower, but was halted when I, wrapped only in a bath robe, encountered James, who was as naked as the day he was born. We both stood, staring awkwardly at each other, not a work being spoken, I took in his appearance, tousled and disheveled hair, naked, look of bewilderment on his face. We both moved to go to the bathroom, and I surrendered position to let him go in first, knowing he would ... be far speedier than I. Retreating back to my room, I sat and pondered the strangeness of it all, James’ sudden change in attitude, his lack of conversation this morning, though, I hadn't been the most talkative of people either. He confused me. There was no way would I be repeating having sex with him unless it was on my terms. He had made me ache, the backs of my thighs burned, between my legs felt battered, and my head hurt like hell. I wondered whether I had been hung-over, wondered if I was a “party-girl” that went out more than her means would afford. I heard James leave the shower and waited a few moments until I heard the front door click as he headed out, presumably to go and buy food or something, I recalled the cupboards and fridge being relatively empty. I decided that now was the perfect time to relax in the bath, not think, just to exist. I sank in and felt myself drift away into the rose Lush bath bomb, the petals that had been infused and the scents, drifting around my body, relaxing me, taking away the aches, pains and strains of the night before, and relaxing my mind about the history that I lacked. I needed to remember, that finding who I was, where I was, was only a small part: if I could never remember who I was, there was a whole new life I could make for myself, no strings from who I was before. My fingers traced over my body, wondering what I had done to get the scars that I had attained on my body. I felt my soft skin, and drifted slowly into a warm, ...